A couple weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a respected colleague who I have known for many years. During the conversation, I found myself becoming annoyed by their apparent lack of interest in me and our conversation as their eyes wondered the room. My annoyance grew as they repeatedly picked up their phone and even glanced at their watch a few times as if to say, “I’d rather be anywhere else but here.” As I left the conversation, I can remember my defense mechanisms kicking in. The disinterest that was outwardly displayed caused me to ponder whether spending time with this person was an investment worth making. Now perhaps I just took it a little too personal, or maybe they had a lot going on that they were distracted by. In either case, I felt that they were definitely not an authentic listener.
We all know that listening is one of the most powerful skills you can provide. When done right, being a good listener can not only give you valuable information about your colleagues, customers, and partners, but it also shows you care about them. But this isn’t just listening for the sake of listening – it must be “Authentic Listening”.
The purpose of authentic listening is to understand the thoughts, opinions, ideas, and feelings of others by focusing on their agenda rather than yours.
I’ve been communicating with my son quite a bit over the last week. He lives in Los Angeles, which as you all know, is in the midst of a devastating wildfire battle. In my first chat with him and in full father-mode, I asked, “How are you doing? Are you safe?” While telling me he was “fine,” I could hear in his voice that he was not. After probing a little further, I learned that he had a number of friends who had lost their homes and others who have been displaced through evacuation. It became very obvious that my son is deeply bothered by what is happening. Maybe it’s the trained ear of a dad, or maybe it was authentic listening that allowed me to get to the heart of what was troubling my son. Have you ever asked someone how they are doing, and when they say they are “fine,” you hear pain in their voice? That is the definition of authentic listening.
What you hear matters and can make a huge difference on how you walk away from a conversation. It matters to your friends, your family, it matters to your customers, and thus, it matters to your business. Just listen. Focus on letting them finish without interjecting and take time to digest what they say, and how they say it – don’t feel you have to answer back right away. Just listen…
And more importantly, try to understand what they are saying. Once you understand their message, often you can make better assessments and if necessary, offer some sound advice or even a consoling hug. In any case, it starts with authentic listening.
Have a great weekend everyone.
Our hearts are with those affected by and fighting the fires in LA.
TERRY Talks 