A few years back, I was having a late-night conversation with a long-time buddy of mine. He’s the friend that you don’t see all that often but when you get together, it takes you just 3 seconds to remember how much you appreciate one another. I suppose we all have friends like that. If I were to give it some thought, I could probably categorize my friends in one of three groups.
The “casual” friend. I enjoy their company, but we probably don’t have a tremendous amount in common and we don’t run with the same crowd, so to speak.
There are my “good” friends. I try to spend time with them because we have shared interests, values, and goals. We enjoy each other’s company because it feels comfortable to share space with them.
Then, there are my “unique” friends. They have all the qualities of a good friend but there is another element there that is rarely, if ever, acknowledged out loud. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, the buddy I previously mentioned is in the “unique” category.
That late-night conversation I mentioned will give you an example of what I am referring to. I posed a question to my friend, which was meant to be a sort of test. I knew what his answer would be, but I was going to ask it anyway. It’s important to note that this question was purely hypothetical. I asked, “If I came to you and told you that I had “offed” someone, and didn’t know what to do with the body, what would you say?” His reply, “I’ll get the shovels.”
So, what’s the “unique” quality I speak of? It’s someone I can count on… no matter what. Someone I would go to battle with because I know they would go to battle with me. If I said, “I need your help,” they would drop everything to help me. These are the people in my life I value the most. They always have my back and can be counted on… no matter what.
Look, I’m not going to expect you to run to the shed to get a couple of shovels but let me ask you a question. Can I count on you? To me, it’s one of the most important, defining, revealing questions I can think of asking. What I really want to know is, can I count on you to do you do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it? If I can count on you to be true to your word, then the foundation is set for creating a highly functional and rewarding relationship; one based on trust and mutual respect. But if I can’t, then a lot of things start to unravel rather quickly, the primary one being trust. And trust, from my perspective, is the most critical component of every meaningful relationship we have, be it a marriage, a friendship, or a business relationship. Absent trust, a lot of things become difficult to damn near impossible, the big one being the creation of a strong and lasting relationship. And so, as you consider this question, how would you answer it for yourself? Are you someone who can be counted on to be true to your word?
Before you answer, I want to be clear that you are answering the whole question. In my experience, a lot of us are pretty good at doing what we say we’re going to do… eventually. The problem is, we oftentimes don’t do it… when we say we are going to do it.
Perhaps you think I’m being dramatic, but just go back to the last time someone let you down by not being true to their word. Maybe it was your spouse who was late picking up your kids from school for the 3rd time this month. Maybe it was a colleague who got you the information you asked for two days after the project was due. Perhaps it was the friend who was giving you a ride to the airport showing up late. They did what they said they would do… eventually… so what’s the problem? The problem is they didn’t keep their word. And consequently, a little or big piece of trust was eroded.
So, I ask you again. Can I count on you? Can others count on you? I hope so. Now, go grab a few shovels. 😊
TERRY Talks 